40 Days of Journaling

For Lent, I have promised myself to read my Bible and actually write down all of the thoughts that I have about whatever I read, every day for 40 days. I think it's going to be the best way for me to grow closer to God. I sat down Tuesday and prayed about what I should give up for Lent - like what could I actually not eat/drink/do for 40 days to get closer to God. I realized that it's less about what I could actually NOT do, and more about what I CAN do.

I've found lately that actually opening up to people and talking about what I've been thinking and feeling is actually really, really good for me and my heart. I am thinking of putting some of it here, but I can't really decide. Yesterday, I dropped my Bible open and read the first thing that jumped out at me, and my Bible happened to fall open to Psalm 32, and the first thing that jumped out at me was something that I had underlined I-don't-know-how-long ago. It was Psalm 32:10, but only the second part, which says

"the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him."

What perfect timing for me to read that. In part of my journal for yesterday, I wrote that I'm not entirely sure why forgiveness has been such a big theme in my life lately. Not that I'm complaining about it, but I've been wondering what God has been preparing me for! I think I finally figured it out...or maybe I haven't, but I know that all this forgiveness talk has kept my heart more open to actually forgiving those who have wronged me. It's also helped me forgive myself for a lot of things that I've been bitter towards myself about. It really is remarkable how God moves and works in your life, even more so when you pay attention to it.

And that was just my first day of Lent! I fasted on Ash Wednesday, which was honestly a really good thing for me to do. It was the first year in several years I'd been "okay'd" to do so, by my doctors and parents. But that's something else entirely. In short, however, I have decided to give something up and do a partial fast during Lent. Basically, I'm going to limit how much food I'm eating. In some ways, I think I'm doing it to challenge myself. I need to prove to myself that I can do something like this and not fall back into old patterns. I'll be needing prayer, but since food is something that formerly consumed my every thought (and currently still consumes probably half of them), I think in doing this, I'll find a way to make food and eating and all of my worries less of a burden, because I'll be turning over any and all negative feelings I'm having to God, who will see me through this. I think in journaling and my partial fasting, I'm going to get my mind absolutely blown. We'll see, for sure!

Also, I'm finally jumping to it and reading Crazy Love. One of my friends recommended it to me after reading my last blog post, so...stay tuned, I guess! (: